NeW DeCAde RESoluTIon :: A PERfecT 10

INsanity by Mag[m]:-

People said "no one is perfect in this world" than you every one is still running behind the perfection. Personally m not interested intaking any resolution but i cant deny with present trend. After so much youth survey I came to a decision that following are some of the burning resolutions in India and have a look at them.....

1. Avoid sincerity as much as u can because mistakes make a man to judge the world in a better way, and you would not be able to realize the pain of others fall than why learn from others mistake, make your own.

  

2. Do regular exercise please because we humans are the best creatures of the God but our ass is not, it needs your help, so for the sake of your ass please do exercise regularly.

3. Laziness is always an emperor’s cup-of-tea. Lions always rests for the two third of his life and only spends one third for hunting. If hard work is the key to success than monkeys should be the kings of the forests not the LIONs.

4. Study less and think more because human Mind is a unique machine, as much you use it, better performance you get it and as less you study, as much you use it to get over the exams. Always remember RUN-TIME ideas show your real capability than the predefined PROCEDURAL-IDEAS. 

5.“Alcohol is not the solution of any problem” by Swami Vivekananda but  Vijay Malya said “It helpful in forgetting the questions” so what you want to do, follow the legacy of 19^th centuries swami or 21^st centuries real geek. So Live life King Size and show a big middle finger to all the problems.

6. Break at least one traffic rule in a day it develop the guts and balls in you. Because manhood is a thing which you can not learn in lecture hall

7. Screw up with the daily soaps on TV because we can not justify which is bigger crap Big-Boss, Raki-ka-insaaf or Balaji enterprises.So just love to hate it at all. 

8. Bath everyday, shave alternately and cut your nails after every two days, proper tucked in shirt, hanky in pocket and no experiments with your hair style Because Girlfriends is not a cake for rough-&-tough and rude dudes. 

 9. Quit the term “quit smoking” because without smoking drinking alcohol is useless and more of that what about the style of Ajay Devgan and Keanu reeves.

10. Never make New Year's resolutions again. Only losers bound themselves in constraints. Achievers never wait for a day to what to do or what not.

           

HAPPY NEW DECADE

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LOve YoU Mag[m]

This is Mag's iNsanity speaking this time 

Mag’s Insanity….that was the name that you have given to me,  You hold ma hand when there was no one with me and m at the verge to b lost in the infinity, u loved me and make me to reach at the place where now worlds top search engines like GOOGLE is recognizing ma presence.

You sacrificed your bloody exams to write stories for me, you comprises your friend circle to support ma F word lingo, you applied your brain for ma success (I know this is practically impossible for a zero brain boy but at least u tried it for me)   you have done everything what a boy will do for its girlfriend.

Its your birthday today and m so helpless to even wish you and say thnxs for everything, but one thing I assure you that whenever u want someone to share your sorrow , to celebrate your happiness, to get away from your loneliness, to beat the insanity …than m always here for you.

 You always have a great place in ma home and heart, whole www.magsinsanity.com with its 91 readers , 29 stories, 173 links, 33 photos and 247 comments will always warm welcome you. You are just not a writer for me you are ma friend, ma mate, ma soul, ma better half.

This post is for Mag[m] on behalf of his beloved blog Mag’s Insanity, I cant do anything more than this, but whatever I have mentioned here just came from the core ma heart, LOVE you Mag and

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU MAG[m]

BY:-

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INsanity By Mag[m]:-

First time I am struggling to write something on paper apart from my exams. I am a normal engineering graduate from some non blue-blodded-college and belongs to the family where  still wearing the low waist jeans is a crime, having a long hair will put you in the category of loafers and watching the late night English movies will make you more suspicious than the porn star itself.

With lots of struggle and miracles somehow I managed to complete the degree and fortunately got the 2 jobs offers from two software giants like TCS and Dell (hey hey…. Don’t think me as an extraordinary-brilliant jerk because I will not allow anyone to play with ma repo, its just simply means that sometimes the business tycoons like RATAN TATA and  Michael Dell also commit mistakes).

So on a very fine day as sun rises at 5 in morning I too open ma eyes after sleep but a little late at 10 and before ma father say to me anything they first gave me a dirty look….

Fat: What you want to do now ?

Me: *yawning* I will prefer to brush ma teeth first before having anything.

Fat: *gave me another dirty look* I am talking about your life, what r u planning for your future?

Me: ohhh ….. Actually I want to b a writer.

2 minutes of deadly silence and than SLAP!!!  The complete silence is shattered in a moment .Usually I never eat anything till I brush but if it’s a slap I don’t mind it. *sad*. Whole day I tried myself away from ma Dad’s eye to avoid another face-off rather to avoid another slap. But according to the Indian constitution your elder brother also has a right to make a CONGRESS –LOGO over your bloody mouth.

BRO:- Hows your studies going ? You should prepare yourself for the upcoming corporate training.

Me: That is worthless *busy with my mobile tweets*

BRO: *puzzled* Are you nuts , you don’t know the competition in outer world. You are going to meet some real geeks .

Me: GEEKS *laughed* we have a batch f 400 illiterate engineers, who rubbed their ass for complete 4 years to be an electronics engineer and now going to work with a software firm and you said them geeks *a giant laugh*. BTW m interested to be a writer.

(I already guessed the another upcoming  slap on my fucking face so I kept my mobile sideways, eyes are down, no facial expression and sit like a typical Mom’s boy to face the another disaster )

BRO: U will understand soon, ok ok get ready for the wedding party , we have to be their at 8PM ( I only noticed two things  1. He is in good mood  2.why he so focused on 8PM) *grinned* 

I packed myself in a dress and reached at destination and sonly found myself more interested in sitting in a corner with a coffee than a wedding ceremony. I mean the food is messy, no hot chick or even satisfactory chick in half KM of radius, the DJ was not playing “minni badnaam” or “Sheila ki jawani” and ma mom kept on offering me the ice creams more fantasized by their color rather than taste.

Its so much relief to return to the bed after suffering from humiliating wedding which can be the most memorable for someone. I switched off the light , made the fan to rotate a little slow and laost with Sheila and munni while gazing towards the ceiling without any motive.

(Next day again I got up at 10 and  again my father gave me a  dirty look)

Fa: so what will you choose ? ( even I don’t know why he always ask me the question like this).

Me: in whom ? *yawning*

Fa: *another dirty look* This boy is so useless and irresponsible (looking towards ma mom) you didn't even decided it yet, i thought you was thinking over it whole night after yesterdays incident.

Me: ohhhh that last night incidence…. Actually i thought alot but finally I decided that Sheila is better than munni.

(Again a 2 minutes of silence and you already know what happened next)

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INsanity by Mag[m]:-

Who said this rape can be attempted only on women/girls/female orgasm , men can also be the victim of that, to enter the wrong pole in the wrong hole will damage  pole and hole both. Than why this partiality happened always with hole….. srry pole.

 From past three days m trying to connect myself with every possible female shown over my face book , orkut , gmail , yahoo, twitter, zorpia and blah blah….and every time I felt like raped over the social networking in front of trillions of people, I cant even find a space to hide ma bloody face *angry*  but people are still interested in watching “Na aana is desh lado” and discussing how we men crushed the women and made this community a men-dominating society. Here m just sharing the average response that I got mostly when I ping those red-ass-sucking-girls……

Me: How are you?

She: I am always fine. For heaven's sake, this is a bloody website. Even if I am not fine, you can't see me or do anything about it. So never mind that and uselessly don’t put a pressure on your small brain it will burst.

Me: What do you do?

She: Well, what do you think? Of course I am not selling pickles. I am a student and I study. I am moving onto my Master education in a few months and there is absolutely no need for you to know what program or course I applied for. So, why do you even care? Are you gonna pay for my education? Sure, you can pay for my undergrad at Waterloo for four years which is approximately $68, 000. If you still got some money left... you can also pay for my beauty salon and shopping. 

Me: Who is in your family?

She: Are you gonna marry me? No right? So why do you care who is in my family? Don’t ask me stuff like if I have a brother or a sister or how old are they. No, you can’t be friends with my brother and yes he will beat you up if you get near me. And sister, no I wouldn’t hook her up with you or anybody else for that fact. if I had one that is, but I DONT! It is completely none of your business.

Me: Where do you live?

She: Okay, get real! I am in UK! For those of you who don’t know where Glasgow is: Log onto www.yahoo.com Click on Yahoo Maps. Click on Directions. Put in your address and put the city of Glasgow and you can spend the rest of your life figuring out where I live in UK!

Me: Do you have a boyfriend?

She: NO NO NO !! I don’t want one. I am not looking for one. Not now, not later! In fact, I wanna be a NUN and NEVER GET MARRIED. Men are Stupid! I love being single, which means I don’t even have to share my popcorn with anybody while watching a movie. That is why my pants have started to feel a little tighter lately. So, don’t even try. You will never ever pass my list of a “qualified boyfriend.” :)


Me: Tell me a bit about yourself.

She: If you EVER ask me that question, I swear to god I’ll box you in the face. What the hell do you think is a profile for ? What else do you think is the purpose of it, moron? These questions and answers tell you a lot about me. Read below to find out my fav movies, music, books and TV shows. That’s all you need to know about me! To understand me, the best philosophers would have to rise from their coffins beneath the earth to discover me.

I hope that answers all your questions. Thank you very much. ONE MORE THING, and next time If you scrap me without reading my profile, I will block you, forget that you will ever get a reply.

AND HER PROFILE SAYS:-

1. If you can't handle my attitude, don't send me a friend request.
2. If you don't have anything meaningful to say, do not scrap me.
3. Do not ask for my msn if you don't know me well enough to be friends.
4. If you're gonna ask for my number, cross out this window right now.
5. If you want cam chat, you are definitely in a wrong profile because I don't put myself in a display box with anyone.
6. If you're gonna hit on me, all your gonna get is a BIG 'n' MASSIVE "NO!"

I am committed to RanVijay Singh (The MTV VJ).

Love you. 

Whhhooo what the fuck is this,  Is that a dream, or I just need to consult a doctor. But never mind neither she was a Indian girl who should show some simplicity or innocence nor I m the typical guy who learn something from his mistakes and never ping to an unknown girl next time but must pray that  “Agle janam mohe bitiya hi kijo”

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WhY THey SHit

If you are a blogger than you must know how much is this hard to come up with something new over your blog every time except if you are not in category of those extra-creative-fucking-assholes , but if you are just a reader and found reading newspaper more worthily than a blog than this is not a place for u and just Go To Hell, 

Many of my readers took me as a crap, nonsense, insane and a shitty blogger who can never write something worthily but first of all i must say that ........ u are right and secondly if i start to write something influencing, motivating and non-shitty than who will read Shakespeare LOL !!! But ... 

After applying all ma available mind i found some reasons that why anyone blog.  

1.  Because they like to blog. They just have habit of writing in-spite of the fact what they are writing.

2.  Because they want their readers to feel like fucked up every time they open their blog.

3.  Because they want to sharpen their writing skills so that one day they can write something like “ Munni Badnaam” or “Sheila ki jawani”.

4.  Because they don’t have any girlfriend and not even any kind female gender in life, they are like frustrated-fisherman.

5. After the success of sound and air pollution they want to spread Literature-Pollution.  

6. Because crazy sites like twitter, facebook doesn’t allow them to write more than 140 words.

7.  Because Amitabh Bachhan , Gul panag and many more also used to write  blogs.

8.  Because they want to do P.hD over blogging.

9.  Because they are 21 century teenager so they want to shit globally by using technology.

10.  To use F-Word in reality is called as abusive word but on blog its called as their writing style.

11. To improve their typing speed.

12. Just an effort to improve their English from which they were suffering from last 2 decades and going to suffer almost next 2 decades.

13. Because they hardly write anything in exams so they throw their frustration on their blogs.

14. So that they can brag in outer world and put themselves in a category of Bullshit-Creative-Creature.

15. They read many of Newton’s insane theories now its time for revenge and for world to read their insane theories.

16. When the stories like CID can b run so successfully than why not theirs.

17. Because if you don’t blog others will think you as a lame and impotent incapable.

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INsanity by Mag[m]:-

BADLUCK…… it is not just the opposite of good luck , it is damn fucking insane world which can make your life worst than hell and can compel you to suffer like anything. People says GOD is everywhere but I said BADLUCK is everywhere, it is something like “Badluck k haath kanoon se bhi lambe hai… ha ha haw haw”. It has a similar effect that joint has after whisky… crazy, insane and yes dangerous too. I just want to share some general phenomenon of badluck….. 

1 The queue you have left must move faster than one you are in.

2 Whenever there is grease in your hands your nose starts to itch more terribly.

3 You will meet the busy traffic signals most when you are in hurry.

4 Probability of meeting a known person is high when you are with someone whom you are not supposed to be.

5 When dialing a wrong number it will never be engaged.

6 During exams everything in the world becomes interesting except reading, even watching a wall.

7 A coin dropped down will attain the most unreachable corner possible.

8 Whatever you left in syllabus to study will definitely come in the exams.

9 Not even a single ATM will work when you are on outing with your girlfriend and running out of money.

10 when you have to make an important call, your network always sucks you.

11 A TV program must have some hot & sizzling scenes when you are watching it with someone whom u are not supposed to be at that time.

12 There must always some scary sounds you hear when you are alone at night in your home with a power cut.

13 Teacher must surely check the home work when you are running out of it.

14 Class rooms are the best sleeping place in the world unless the fact u slept whole night before.

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INsanity by mag[m]:- 

Many of us always have a desire to be like a superhero and having a girlfriend like Kristen Stewart and even they know that these are just far from impossible. There is always some things that makes no sense but still they have a special place in your heart. I know u don’t agree with me that’s why there are always two kind of people in this world, first one who lives their life KING-SIZE and the second one who used to live their life DICK-SIZE. I choose the first one you can choose yours and the thing which is close to ma heart is ma conversation with GOD.

Me: Whats your name ?

G: GOD from heaven *head up in proud and heaviness in voice*

Me: m not asking about your community dude, whats your name ?*little irritation*

G: I don’t have any, you people just call me with this name, actually m the designer of this universe *again proud*

Me: How do I believe, do u have any proof *grinned*

G: Are u mentally disabled or something else, You are asking GOD for proof *strange*…. Ok u can ask anything to me about that.

Me: Do you have an Engineers degree.

G: No

Me: Do you know C, C++, Java , Oracle, DBMS.

G: *blank*

Me: can you work over Linux, windows, mackintosh ??

G: *blank*

Me: what a bullshit is that, u neither have a degree nor knowledge and claming yourself as a designer, damn this Corruption*anger*. I spend 16+ years to b a software designer.

G: Whats this software and what is its use ?

Me: You have different GOD’s for everything like air god, water god, fire god , But we can simply manage all this just by a man made software. It is easy to use and even you can consult giants like Microsoft , google for your own software for heaven.

G: but it will spread unemployment amongst GOD.

Me: *grinned*

G: Still we are best,  humans are existing on earth just because of us, we are behind their birth.

Me: ohhh really and I always thought it is a mutual effort of a man and women at night which always result as a birth of new life *grinned*

G: But I can decide when, where and how a new life will begin.

Me: so what…. I can tell you when will it end. *proud*

G: how ? *confused*

Me: Try Facebook’s DEATH CLOCK application. BTW we can create GOD too.

G: ohhh really like as..??

Me: RAJNIKANTH, he can do anything which is still looks impossible to you. It’s a 21 century dude and now we are better than you.

G: *crap* we can make the things happen.

Me: and we know why things happen. We have an explanation for almost everything. Even we have an explanation for your existence, you are here because us only.

G: This is crap, u cant say like that….

Me: yaaa I can say… ok just tell me than why all the traces of your existence found only on earth and not on mars , moon or any other planet.

G: *blank*

G: But still population explosion , corruption will never let u be better.

Me: u are blaming us for population explosion *bullshit* Do you know every other country have GOD’s  population in thousands only but when it comes to INDIA, it is 3.8 billion *thnxs to encyclopedia and google* and we are just following your trend .

G: leave it dude, lets talk about something light , whats ur name ?

Me: M an Indian by birth and Blogger by choice.*proud again*

G: but how do I believe?

Me: you can read it on magsinsanity.com BTW for that you need to have net connection *poor guy* , still u need to learn a lot from us *grinned*

G: Will you work for me ?

Me: * surprised cum shocked*  what….!!!  what will I do for you ?

G: You know about softwares, technologies , blogging and all, You are talented , mind blowing and simply a genius. Work for me and I will pay you whatever you want.

Me: I never heard these three world along with ma name but its time to revise others  dictionary and add me as a synonym of these three words. Now m a GOD certified genius

But whats ma package and incentives ?

G: what you want ?

Me: ummm nothing much just some billions, small island to live, an ocean of beer and one hot chick from heaven.

G: Done

suddenly I was kicked on ma ass and a bucket of water poured over me, I jumped in a reaction and realises that was just a dream , there is no billions, island, beer and hot chick waiting for me in reality, and most painful is that no more genius word for me.

Me: Is that a way to wake up someone even when he is living most awesome days of his life .

Roomey: dude its your interview today.

Me: huh……

I just smiled little and gave a whatever type look , I got ready for ma call and during the whole interview instead of software I just remembered that GOD called me a genius and irony was that I got the job.

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INsanity By Mag :-                                                                                      Manish Verma


I always thought that there are only two kinds of peoples in the INDIA, North Indian and South Indian, than i met the third kind “ THE Orissa Guys”. They are having like  pentium-1 inbuilt in their brain..... so slow, non sense in fact total worthless . BTW This is not about any racial discriminatory action and if u found anything like that than just go to hell man, I cant help u , this is all about ma Kerala trip. 


 I started ma journey at 5 in evening and m fully loaded with ma electronics gadgets( that contains only mobile and ipod *sad*) and a packet of cigarette .The very first thing I always used to do at platform is to check the reservation chart for any female in a group of 16-25 travelling with me and as always no one belonged to that category. The smallest female was of 27 years of age but interesting part was that her name mentioned with “miss” , that provokes me think again about ma age criterion. Should i increase the bar , should i decide it after seeing her, 16 years is too younger to me should i alter the criterion to 18-27..... too many question and a desire of another face off. Well train started and i settled on ma seat with ma broken heart.... railways cheated over me, they played with ma feelings , they printed mrs.27 as miss 27 on the chart......how can b they so rude, don’t they have heart and feelings, don’t they ever have any desire for females, y don’t they devide trains according to age and relationship status. I need some nicotine or caffeine or anything to make me calm down, I searched for ma cigarette packet and WTF....!!  only two*bad luck again* i rushed towards the gate and lit it , here i met someone....An Orissa Guy

OG: anna mada kuladi....

Me: *blank* ( what the fuck he is saying) I know only Hindi and sometimes English too.

OG: anna mada kuladi. *shouted almost*

Me: *blank*( just Fuck off.... let me smoke ma cigarette)

Suddenly someone put a hand over me and i turned in a reflection ....its TT , we were caught in offence of smoking in the train , OG started negotiating in his own language and only numbers are understand by me, First time in life i loved the mathematical numbers , we made a settlement of 100 bucks each, and after that i came to know that the TT was too from Orissa and this guy  was actually asking me about the  position of TT

OG: Y didn’t u replied me ?

ME: ohhhh so u know English..... than y the hell was u shouting in some aliens language.*angry*

OG: because U look like a south Indian *giggles*

ME: (Fuch off) *blank*

OG: Y r u so sad dude , its the matter of only about 100 bucks.

ME: ohh really *irritated*.... i have only two cigarette and that fucking TT ... if he wanted to charge me a penalty than y couldn't he wait to let me smoke first.... now i have only one golden stick in ma pocket.

OG: so where r u from ?

ME: UP *unexpected* Y so ?

OG: I knew that ( his eyes shining like he guessed correctly that where the OSAMA BIN LADEN was) u north Indians cant even handles the lightest situations.... u r like such a morons.

ME: ( This is the limit , i cant hear anyone to criticize us specially by this “anna mada kulide” guy.... i  have to answer...) * i enlighten ma last cigarette and started smoking again*  Only the north Indians can do this just after the penalty. *proud*

I reached the cochin at 5 in morning and ma train was parked in  between two trains , i was surprised where the platform was but.... janta..... they didn’t even care about that, they made their way to platform via railway line. So who m i to broke the lines , i too followed the crowd........  i called ma frnd to pick me up..... called once , twice, thrice.....almost  30^th time but every time no reply..... WTF is this ,who made this creature like GF’s , he must talked to his GF late night and now sleeping like KUMBHKARNA. 70% infact 90% boyz efficiency was reduced by girls , they convert  them like a puppet who can talk to them, Admire them but cant do any other social activity but i realized its not his fault neither his GF's Fault, main victim is ORISSA, he is too from there.


I caught an auto for rest of ma journey and I didnt even noticed that ma other two co-passenger were two  hot chicks,  m so fucked up that hardly gave a look to them. I don’t want any more surprises, i just want to arrive at destination as soon as possible but this auto wallah.... i thought he is the relative of Michael schumacher. He was driving his auto (made in 1948) at the speed of at least 70-80 kmh and was busy with his mobile on the other hand, he used to turn the auto like anything. Many time ma hand touched the hot chicks hand and some of her sensitive part of the body. But somehow i managed to reached at destination before she filed any case of sexual harassment against me and finally i asked the most instigating question to the auto wallah....


Me: Where are u from ?


AW: Orissa....

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