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Tuesday, April 26, 2011

"Ms. JAVA" Vs " Mr. Mag"

INsanity by Mag[m]:-


She : I Love You, I Love You, I Love You .*with her immense beauty and desperate in her voice*
Me : Fuck off, Fuck off, Fuck off. * with my Rude-Dude-Type looks and Avoid-Her Types voice*.

She : But why, Don’t you love me ?

Me : Love you !!! *little villainous laugh* Bullshit , You are just a symbol of miseries, even i m not terrified as much for being caught while watching porn as much you terrified me, I will prefer to live with Dolly Bindra rather than you, You make ma life so infertile as that farms looks after harvesting over Farmville, you make me just like a retired whore, useless, worthless and even soulless. *with Red-Ass-Expressions*

She : But why only you are suffering so much, others are handling me very easily, may b you need to work little more on me.* with a cunning smile*

Me : ohhh cut this crap or else i will cut your neck, M regularly wasting ma 12-14 hrs sitting in front of you, ma eye side got increased , M feeling some piles symptoms in some of ma sensitive parts, ma appearance got even more dangerous than Albert Einstein itself and you are saying i need to focus more. I can’t understand where to focus and don’t dare to compare others with me. They may live with sucking their own ass but i can’t.

She : why are you talking so harsh ?
Me : What !! m I look harsh to you...no , not at all dear, m actually chilling from inside and even pulses getting jammed. Do you know just because of you I returned back in the midnights from office, even the street dogs got ma timing and they never take a pain to open their eyes from their sleep, I was so fucked up at time that even the watchman surrender his wallet, watch, ring and other possession to me if i roared just a bit loud. Ma landlord’s child started comparing me with all those devils that he heard in his granny fairytales and you are still saying that why m so harsh.... m not harsh...not at all .

She : Is it ma fault and why are you blaming me, I agree that you sit 14 hrs. in front of me but in that time you want 10 smoking breaks, your girlfriend called you at least 15 times and don’t know how many times your testosterone got hyper activated by seeing your female colleges.
Me : *blank*

She : Look, I know its not easy for anyone, specially for the morons like you who can forgot to take pen in the examination hall but never miss a chance a ogle at the hot examiner and say thanks to GOD to not bringing your pen because it will give you a chance to have a chit chat with her.
Me : *blank*.

She : You are doing miracles over me, How many of others learnt me as fast as you did, How many of others wrote the 200 line code in me just on third day of learning and got 700 errors. Even ma compiler send me a personal note about your historical effort .

I took a 30 seconds of break to analyses whether she is commenting or complimenting, and finally got nothing as output from ma useless mind but suddenly something strikes in the empty box of mind and created echoes....700 errors

Me : but .. *she interrupted in between before I end or I start saying anything*
She : Yeah moron !! I know you still pissed off because of those 700 errors but think how many of others have just cleared those 700 errors in 2 hrs. Don’t be so rude and pessimist that you cant hold me in your arms. you got the guts and balls in your pant and you just need to give one more try .

"Hold , Arms, guts & balls" these are some words that make me to think again on this and somewhat m convinced not because she is good orator but because...

1. Someone is praising me and this is not a customer care call that you got regularly, its rare for me.
2. I don’t have any other option because now its not all about learning JAVA but to have balls in ma pants.

Me : *smiled* nodded

But suddenly i got kick on ma chair, ma world shakes like fruit shakes in juicer, m just at the verge to hit ma computer screen, ma day dreaming got over ..  SHIT...HOLY SHIT !!
Me: What the Fuck yaar, who the hell is this ?
Ashutosh : Dude !! focus on your coding, you again got 700 errors, what a consistency man, if Sehwag got this consistency than he alone is capable to beat other assholes*grinned*


FUCK OFF You and Your lame jokes, let me concentrate...... and saga of struggle again started.

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Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I Quit

INsanity by Mag[m]:-

DATE : 24-jan-2011 to 6-apr-2011
VENUE : Trivandrum , TCS training center
OBJECTS : Mag and ....*to b continued*


ROUND ONE

'You are irritating me, can you please shut your mouth' , she said
although she is not praising me but still somewhere in her mind m dominating and that was not a bad start
'yeah sure dear,why m here , just only to follow you dear' *grinned* , i replied
she looked at me with more irritation.
'friends ?' i asked
'only if you keep your mouth shut for next one hour', she added

'round one cleared, mission accomplished ',i murmured to myself
 'what ?' she asked with suspicious eyes.

' ahh nothing , m ready dear' *grinned*
I dont know what makes me to use this "dear" word so frequently, but seriously m using it as like any software engineer use "Ctrl-c & Ctrl-v" in his work.M helpless.


ROUND TWO

' Hello',  again i asked her on very next day

 Hello, she replied with Not-again-type-looks
'whats new cooking here ? any updates over case study ? i added with more cheerfulness to make the conversation go on.


Firstly she gave me a dirty look and than shouted like a customer who shouts over  customer care on being misbehaved in terms of his mobile balance  'Are u mad or what, we need to submit the documentation part on friday, only 2 more days to go, we really need to work hard, else wise we will be in a big trouble, m working on it since 9 in morning and you are coming at 2 in afternoon and asking for updates.You are sick or what.'

( wow !!! she looks so cute in anger, thin lips, deep eyes, cute face , i was totally lost in her , i was just continuously gazing  on her and passing an innocent smile to her,  girls mostly speak non speak but the way they speak can kill the number of morons like me, the only thing in a mind running weather today i should asked her for coffee or should i wait for weekends)

'Hello' she started waving her hands in front of ma mouth so close that i can feel the warmth and softness of it, *So Romantic*

' yeah !! tell me ,whats the updates in case study ?' i asked again with max innocence as nothing happened just 30 seconds back.

 (she fell silent, suddenly sadness hijacked the innocence of her face, she sat on chair restlessly with the expression on her face that can instigate me the most.)
'hey, here are the documents for submission, i completed it last night for you only.',  i don't know what makes the last three words soundless  but i really wanted to say it.
Firstly looks suspicious, but as she started turning the pages one by one, her smile goes widen and simultaneously I started loosing ma senses again,
'thanxs mag thnxs alot, u are a real gem , 'she offered her hand for a shake'
'round two cleared, mission accomplished', again I murmured to ma self.
' what ?' she asked
'nothing', i added * grinned*

ROUND THREE

' hey dear' she said, (just two words and to explain how deep they penetrated  deep inside ma heart was even more tougher than to explain Black-hole theory.)
 (mag !! she initiated the conversation , good going mag !! congos, three cheers ), 'hey', i replied
'Just b ready at 8 pm', she said with lots of secrets hiding behind her facial expressions.
' me...!! for what ?' i asked to her
'What !! you don't know ..we are going for dinner together.....ahh actually not only we but the whole group, so you HAVE TO join us.', she replied

(I dont know why she made so much stress over HAVE TO, but i like it,she was not just only informing me but she was forcing me to come with the group or rather with her and usually girls have this kinda attitude only for the category of Some-one-specials.)


'yeah sure', I replied
'round three cleared, mission accomplished', again I murmured to ma self.
'what ?', she asked ( this time she looked eager to keep the conversation go on)
'nothing', i replied *grinned*

ROUND 4

This was the last day of our training almost everyone was sad and were feeling bad to get separated from each other but somewhere deep inside me i was very happy,  i waited this day so  badly because

1. Its destiny,you have to be separated with your mates one day. so Why So Serious ?
2. Internet provided you so many ways to be in touch with ur mates. so again Why So Serious ?

3. We both are going to same place again to join the company. So Why Sould I So Serious ?

I know the first two reasons were useless but even today i cant say the things straight.Altough she was coming with us to Delhi but m will not meet her for next 4 days, there was something kicking in ma mind,  butterflies were playing soccer in ma stomach , something bad was happening somewhere, i dont know what but something was going wrong, i called her
'Hello, when is ur flight?', i asked
'Why ?? what happen, why r u suddenly asking about ma flight', she enquired
'Just tell me, when is flight departing ?', i asked again with more intensity in voice.
'Tomorrow morning, 6 am', she replied
(i was blank , i dont know what to say next, its already 11 in the night and i had no option to meet her)
'what happened', she inquired again
'nothing, leave it', i replied with sorrow in ma voice
'areee tell me, why u looked so sad', she asked
'nothing, just feeling bad , ma mates are leaving and we will not meet again', i replied,
( still i was unable to express her truth, i was feared somewhere inside to loose her, i was not ready to face this storm)
'there is something else, you are hiding something, tell me dude, m yor friend you can share it with me', she given me some courage by saying this.
' I think I like you, m trying ma best to avoid all this but m helpless, craze for you is growing day by day , i m not what i was earlier, i tried earlier to say you all this but never find guts but m not forcing this over you, if you dont like it its better you start avoid me' i replied with a continuity and a blank mind
*blank*, 5 second of silence over phone and she disconnected the call*
'round four incomplete, mission failed', i replied by wiping a drop of tear and put the cell down.



Tuesday, March 22, 2011

At YOur SERvice Ma'am : Dabba


Insanity by Mag[m]:-

Statutory Warning :  If you expect another spicy story than definitely this is not a post for you, This is something that is directly from ma heart to ma another heart( Ma Best friend) dedicated to his heart( his Girlfriend) who wants to live in her heart.








It is against the laws and ethics to write about your friend’s Girlfriend but I was compelled to do so because in past 2 months I heard her name so many time as Sachin never heard of Cricket in his whole life. Ohhh hold it....hold it !!!  This is not a love triangle and m not one of its vertices, This is simple straight and made-for-each-other types love story.They are two personalities with almost similar features and qualities.

In fact probably I don’t like her because she is the one who reduced the counting of insane from the world by one ie. Saurabh aKa Dabba.He was an asshole …yeah I mean it….he was an asshole….srry but as an engineer I don’t know any better word to express ma deepest affection for him. He is the man who never follows any rule that is mentioned in college rule book, According to him Vodka was a thing which separates men out of boys, chocolates and popcorn were meant for children, girls were nothing more than a God’s mistake and he was unpredictable and mysterious like sunshine in newspaper….. but ALAS !!!  now a days….

  1. He drank Mountain Dew more than Vodka.
  2. He talks about love instead of boys EYE-TONIC.
  3. Now his biggest achievement is his girlfriend rather than lighting a cigarette in single attempt in front of a fan.
  4. Now his favorite movie is DDLJ rather than Dil Dosti etc .

 He is not that Saurabh whom we know, “bhagwan us purane saurabh ki aatma ko shanty de”.

Lets talk something about his girlfriend , I personally don’t know her but whatever I heard from his mouth , I can write another encyclopedia on her. Her name is Nikita from Mangalore who looks like an angel in Red & black. She prefer to sleep at last bench than to waste her time in studying on front row, her first priority is to assign craziest nickname to every possible living creature near by her, Even though she wants him to quit smoking but to try it once is her one of the burning desire. She is blessed with all the qualities that majority of non-sense girls rarely have.

Impact of this love story is so powerful that HP’s Mangalore campus is now known as Saurabh-Nikita campus and even I have to save Saurabh cell no as Saurabh-Nikita. People says that only opposite characters attracts but they forget the basic rule that only similar identities can be added and they are the biggest living example for that.

M writing all this not because he is ma one of the best pal or I like his changed beta version behavior in fact he was the one who criticized me most when I wrote the first story over ma blog, Today is one of the biggest day for both of us as m at the verge to make ma biggest critics as ma happy reader and he is at the the verge to propose his girlfriend globally and both of expect nothing less than YES….

WAITING……. 



FOR NIKITA ONLY : we we both succeeded can I share your chocolate that you gave to saurabh very first, its still there in Saurabh’s Almiraah. 


I Used SO Many colors because its Happy HOLI........


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Tuesday, February 22, 2011

CruSHes ARE mEANT tO bE cruSHed

INsanity By Mag[m]:-




First day in office was not like birthday that came every year in your life , i was excited, nervous and sitting alone at the corner of the last bench  of the auditorium. complete formal dress, hanky in pocket, shining shoes ,neatly shaved bloody face, a zipped mouth and a closed mind avoiding every possible insane idea, that were some of ma attributes and i was trying at ma best to ignore every probability of any kinda mis-happening here. i just wanna be lost in crowd but i guess..... Nature and Signature cant be changed so easily.

Mouth was wide open as like i was trying to eat the whole burger in a single bite, eyes were trying to pop up from their cave, all ma 5 senses gone on hibernation, violins were ready to show their ability, dead silent auditorium was suddenly converted into some scenic beauty of Paris as Miss Pink directly from heaven entered in auditorium as well as deep in ma heart . Small pink Bindi on forehead, round pink ear rings, and a pink suit  was generating the tsunami of love waves inside ma mind, her Broad bangles and soft pink glossy lips compelled me to declare her as the awesom-ist amongst other 210 opposite gender trainees of the campus. She looked at back may be on me or  poll / painting / Tata logo/Lights besides me and passed a smile and chosen to sit in first row and never looked back for entire session for her biggest fan of the day on last row but she had already make ma day and another love story had already started from the two opposite corners of the auditorium. Lucknow was ready to make a collaboration with Hyderabad.

In the same evening ma face book acc. was ready to introduce a new creature to the world and it was none other than her would be soul-mate ...

Name : Mag
Age : 7256700000 seconds
Fav color : pink
Fav Band : pink Floyd
Fav City : Pink city ( Jaipur)
Fav animal : Pink Panther
Fav song : Gulabi aankhein jo teri dekhi

NEXT DAY  :-

I bought a new PINK shirt to gave company to her and ready with all ma best assets , today we were having the orientation program to learn companies code of conduct but practically m learning the concepts of triangle of Algebra. I was continuously gazing at Miss pink , Miss Pink was focusing on HR and unfortunately HR was gazing at me. * bad time and place to learn algebra* but its already too late for me and when i realized it i found 4 things :
1. a red face of HR
2. 400 female and 620 male eyes penetrating me
3. HR's pointed finger over me
4. face of 510 morons ready to put pressure on their 37 muscles to laugh hard at me.
 This devil would definitely eat me without even asking for salt...

HR: Whats your name gentleman.
Me: M...m...Mag
HR: from which Recruiting Branch ?
Me: Bangalore
HR : ummm *deep breath* why are you wearing this pink shirt ?

I was fell shocked by hearing pink shirt rather than his question, did he knew about ma one sided still progressive love story, did he knew ma intentions to wear pink, did he already knew Miss Pink, did i found a villain like as every Bollywood love story had, should i confess in front of him or rather in front of these 510 morons and a camera which was going to make available this recording to the rest of 1.87 laks employees of this company. Bad idea...totally a bad idea.

Me: just like that only.
HR: Dont you know that pink 1 was banned for boys, its a symbol of GAY. * a giants laugh in the auditorium and initiated by Miss pink*.

Its time to consult with local Love-Gurus as they said " If you want to impress a girl first be different from others and she should recognize this change" and i stepped ahead to achieve ma mile stone. When ma batch mates were rubbing their asses with Mainframe and SAP coding i was busy with ma crash course on" how to learn telagu in 30 days", decided to climb those fucking 94 steps on hill to reach ma office to saw her again in the night. ma 8 hrs office timings converted into 15 hrs, i was there on each path waiting for her which she can possibly follow,i became the most well known face for security guards and a disaster for coffee machine. Finally i decided to mail her.... mail her in telagu, and than after long days of waiting , sleepless nights and a beer bar and ma inbox is still waiting for that name.....

If u stand on mid of India you will find Lucknow towards north pole and Hyderabad towards south pole and as per newton's law opposite polls always attract each other, but now struggling against the theory, Newton cheated over me. Screw up with you man....

PS: This post is dedicated to the one who have a face of  angels but a heart of devils.... and thanks to NIKITA to break ma blogger's block

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