DYing To b AlivE AgaIN

INsanity by Mag[m]:-

10 years back when I was in 8^th standard , Life looks so simple and interesting to me. Donald duck, Shahrukh khan, Aladeen are ma some of the idols and i want to b a Cricketer, Pilot, Actor, politician in ma life. Ma all time favourite personalities are Timon & Pumbaa, Tom & Jerry, Scooby doo  and school’s play ground is the most wonderful place in the world for me.

M living the most wonderful days of ma life but suddenly one day we have a new admission in our class and its a BIJLI ( yaaa it was her name and I know it was not a promising name but who the hell I m to talk in her family matter ) this made  the competition for boys .5 % less , now we have a one more eye capturing element in our class , the 6 hours school timing looks so short and world war three started amongst the boys to sit behind her and class performance was at its all time low level.

I realised that sometimes being dumb at a moment can so worthily for u, she entered in the class and looked all around than came and sit next to me and her school bag touched me first time, it felt same as that Neel Armstrong felt after touching  moon to very first time, I even cant imagine her in ma best dream ever to sit in 5 mt radius of mine, but this time it was the truth. For sure It was not me or ma personality, or smartness or anything in me that provoked her for this decision  in fact it  was others drool mouth that made her to sit next to me and feel safe, This made me the biggest villain of the class and every boy wanted to kill me for sure but who care when the cutest girl of  class sited next to u.

Me: Whats ur name ?  *with violin sounds in background*

She : Bijli

I Lost so much in tha name and in violin sound that I didn’t realize once that m in a class and someone was  asking for ma name and I just replied with a speed faster than real Bijli.

Me: Bijli

But I realised some weirdness in the voice , her sweetness was washed out, I paused the violins sound and put bijli on hold for sometime and concentrated on voice again and aahhh it was not her , it was ma teacher.

Tch: What….!! Bijli , but this sounds a female name.

Me: its Manish

Tch: *What a crap*…. If u r Bijli than who is Manish and if u r Manish than y u said Bijli.

Me: *I need some intelligent & witty answer here to save me and after applying all ma available mind i finally found it* Madam its Manish Bijli Verma.

I felt same as Shahrukh Kahan felt in Mohabbtein after saying his full as “Raj Aryan Malhotra” to Amitabh Bachhan but this not Mohabbatein and neither ma teacher is Amitabh Bachhan and nor m a Shah Rukh Khan, everyone in ma class except me was kept on laughing an laughing, even Bijli was laughing hardly on me. She has broken ma heart. I was in this condition just because of her and now she was laughing on ma name or may be on her own name.I was punished and I had to spend a complete one hour standing outside the class. That was the shortest love story and quickest break-up ever know, all ma dream shattered in just a moment.

That day I felt so hurt. She broked ma heart and m started dying to live again, I really hate Bijli, and that day I decided to b an Engineer , an Electronics engineer , so that whenever I felt ditched by Bijli i can take ma revenge with her. And now I can play with her, cut her, deviate her, all I can say that now I can rule over Bijli…..he he ha ha haw haw haw

I know u feel so sucked after reading this but all I can only say that  HAPPY ENGINEERS DAY

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I know that only negligible percent peoples will b interested in reading any post that describes man to man or female to female fellowship and as I think nothing is bad in that , It’s a normal human tendency except u r not a gay…. This time I have something special to b portrayed and I don’t believe that m doing this , it can b more disastrous for me than Hiroshima and Nagasaki had after the atom bomb explosion, but I have to keep ma promise, promise that was the worst in all that I had made in past a week. M jotting here something that have only 2 consequences that either it will ruin ma Blogging career forever or can show me some flying colours in near by future. M dedicating this post to ma fellow Blogger NIKITA from delhi but still m looking for some least probable possibilities and reasons for this post…

1. May b she was impressed by ma post and I will b able to get her ready for a DATE.

2. I m kind of Gentleman who always stick to his promise specially if the girl is on other side.

3.  We r so different in nature, signature and architecture but still I found she is a real angel that can change me , ma blog and everything bad in me. She can change Mag into Manish and INSANE into a Sane.

Off course the first one is ma all time favourite desire and to b loyal I thought about it at least millions sorry zillions of time that someday someone special will notice  something special and unnoticed in me that was always liable to b noticed but unfortunately unnoticed by all ( need not to mention that m talking about female community only because  m not a GAY..!! )  M geographically 2061 km apart from her but still can plan a coffee at CCD with her than a lunch than after a movie than roaming in any park than disc and hang out high with a perfect night out …this is something called as a Perfect Date and you can add spices in the plans by your own according to your taste like seats offered must b at the corner of the theatre, that day CCD will only have couples as a customer , Park would b a lovers point, and we have a Candle light dinner. But don’t add salt in last to things because m ALLERGIC TO BULLSHIT and too much spices is not good for health.

What to say about ma second point, actually I devoted maximum of time to think some thing strong , ironical, filmy, witty in support of it but finally found nothing. I always think of ma self a typical SRK who always have a perfect answer when it is concerned about his GF, and at last i found that whatever I have written in point 2 was totally a imaginary stuff that has no relation with any live or dead persons specially like me and it can b counted as rubbish.

Well about third point what can I say just our blogs and gtalk status can describe the whole story .This is the best way I ever discovered to make a image about some one. I know 99.999 %  times these status are copy pasted from some one liners site because an intelligent one never wastes his time on such crap things, a dumb one will always use ‘available’ status and those who belongs to none of them will use this ‘busy ‘status’ ( oposss  srry for wrong category  but no polling in India includes only 2 options) but still to choose any particular one liner among thousand will show your brainwaves. Her status suggests “Books are the real friends of a human. It should b kept near your heart” and mine suggests “I would not have been in this condition if bomb had fallen on Newtons head instead of apple”.  She believes “One day someone special walked in your life and u realize why it will not worked with anyone else” and I believes that “My Virginity is a gift to my wife, so always ready with the proof of your marriage”. Nothing matches in above lines except colour of the lines but no matter how we different are , how we take each other but the thing that only matters is, I completed ma promise and see has something divine  in her that made me to do that. You are awesome and god will always bless you.

PS: Don’t kill me for this non sentimental, partially true, unromantic wired post and if u don’t like it than don’t read afterward  !!! ……ohhh You are still reading  ??….. So u liked it.... so can I ask u something .....

1. Why don’t u offer me a coffee at your place for this great effort of mine .
2.  Do you really don’t like INDI-FLIRT tag over forum?
3.  Its almost 3’o’ clock in the night and m getting bored so Can I call u ??

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INsanity by Mag[m]-

Technology is what that makes a human lazy , It is jamming humans nerves day by day. Don’t u believe me than y the hell invention of finger bowl after meal takes place, what toilet paper is doing in this world , y deodorants exists when u can bath, y we use supplements to have 8-packs like AAMIR KHAN , y we have remote controls for most of our electronic gadgets, whats a need of Locks when it cant stop a thief  from stealing and a honest man will never do anything like to steal, y the market for automatic goods making a boom in stock exchange.

I never understand what the meaning of technology, if it is meant for better performance than y we made BEERS to make us a non performer ,if it is for time saving than y we blog just to  killing time of our and others, if it is for advancement than y we still using a red rose to propose a girl. Some things are in this world that cant be explained in words. If we take in other way sometimes it hides our prime motive like some one who ever discovered cow's milk , do u know what he exactly want to do with cow.

Well this post is not all what technology meant for , it is just to suggest some more advancement in it that is badly required by youth ( ya this time I can lead youth becoz whatever m going to suggest will definitely attract them), when I heard about this competition I simply forwarded a msg to all ma engineering mates that “ if they have some technology that can perform his/her one work than what work they avoid most” And I got worst replies than expected. Lets see what engineers (that themselves taken as Technology Maker) want  from technology….

1. Yaa a machine that can pause timings when u r getting late for office in the morning and ur eyes still wants a 10 min more sleep. It has a feature to forward ur time when u r attending a lecture or office meeting and also has a feature to reduce call duration for out going call.

2. Many of them takes bathing as one of the most boring work to do. Deodorants can be a alternate option for this but kabhi kabhi khud ki atma bhi dhikkarne lagti hai ki ab to naha lo yaar , so that we need something that can provide us a feeling of wetness ,freshness and off course cleanliness too.

3. Craziest demand is of a reading chip that will store all ur reading material and u can easily connect it with ur mind. The Biggest dream of today’s youth is “ no more funny elements like studies” . so they want something that have at least 5 lakh GB storage capacity with wikipedia stored in its internal memory  and  most most most importantly that should not be detected by any living or dead man, machine, process.

4. Even voice command needs from a human to open his mouth and use its 398 cells to speaks, so the demand is for some thing that can sense human expression and can perform the task according to that.

5. Need something that can provide muscles like Sylvester Stallone and skin like Robert Pattinson for men and for girls we need…. Ahhh any pimple cream and a little common sense just in a week

6. This one is a blunder of all. As the bomb was invented to destroy all the invention. I  (yes this time I want it) want something that will destroy everything . What all I have to do in life just to eat sleep and blog   ( yaa can never miss to blog). No tension for money , work , studies, responsibilities, rights and for anything.

List will go long but blogspot and HP doesn’t allow me too much space for all this crap ,  so m winding up ma not-so-happening list of upcoming technologies and hope HP will definitely consider ma list as an urgent requirement and will never ask to a blogger about technology requirement. Its already a midnight and I really need a tea break…. Ahhh crap can anybody offer me a tea I don’t want to move from here J

Other INsane posts are :

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Insanity by Mag[m]:-

Me: Hello

He: What the fuck do u think of urself ??

Me: (what a starting ) Mag *innocent*

He: Don’t b over smart,u ass hole.

Me: mind ur damn tounge (yaa damn…but still far from the category of f-word)

He: Y the hell u call her ?

Me: her..??? *confused*   who ??

He: hey u fucker dont play pranks with me. What do u want from her??

Me: same as that every fucker wants from a girl …!!!  *grinned*

He: don’t call her again, m warning u.

Me: r u kind of alien...!!  or u born without any human sperms, don’t u understand that m asking for something….. which girl r u talking about ?

He: whom u talked last night .

Me: does she grown up without any name ?? I called to customer care last night also, r u talking about her than told her to leave her job and b a parasite on u.

He: m talking about shruti. Y u called her ??

Me: I never called her ( just only once…naahh by twice….ohhh crap I did it so many times but who the fuck he is to instruct me) BTW who r u ??

He: m UMANG and m her x-boy-friend.

Me: u r her X and  m her P.

He: what the crap do u mean.

Me: I know this will go above ur head. A boy born without sperms is mentally challenged too. P means present boy friend.

He: we had enjoyed 5 year this relationship.

Me: ( y he stressed so much on word “ enjoyed” , this man really makes me jealous I just really wanna kick his ass from deepest of ma heart) Even Indian government never last longer than 5 years. Ur time is over.

He: u mis guided her.

Me: m I look like politician or bollywood’s vilan, who will misguide her.

He: u will have to face a trouble for it.

Me: just FUCK-OFF. *disconnected*

Lots of question in mind…. What the hell happened in last 2 min , did I win the verbal fight, did I pissed-off on him, do I became a real stud or dude *feeling of proud* errr…….what I m thinking man… I should think about ma girlfriend and m busy in screwing ma head about the result of abusive conversation competition between me and him…. So is she having any passing affair, m I her first choice , what if umang was right,What if she still having multiple affairs…. What should I do , now what can I do (only state in life where a man interviewed by himself… ok ok wrong example, I know that )

But only she can answer all this, I should call her….

Me: hello

She: hey hiii sexy

Me: (last word should b said by me…. What a real morom I m) who is this umang ??

She: ahh m school friend, but y r asking ?? and how do u know him.

Me: he called me , begging for his X-Girl-friend.

She: and who is his girl-friend?

Me: (what the hell is going on, now she is hiding something from me) its u *dumbo*

She: what the hell….!!! He is not ma boyfriend, ahhh actually he is the boy-friend of shalini.

Me: whatever *least interested in shalini..actually focusing on her right now*

She: but y he called u .?? must b abhishek told him to do so.

Me: now who is this abhishek in the story.

She: Ma Boy-friend…. Actually ma best friend.

Me: decide first Boy-friend or Best-friend *angry*

She: Best-friend

Me: and who I m ??

She: ma boy-friend , ma loved one, but what did u said him *thank god*.

Me: I think I just pissed-off on him… ya definitely *confused*.... I tought him a lesson .

She: I know … u have real balls and guts, that’s what I like in u , I m proud of u, I love u.

Me: but r u sure na… that u don’t have any affair other than me *still confused*

She: no ma baby… lets go to watch any movie , lets change ur mind.

Me: na sexy not yet (at last I used that word… what a good learner I m ), I will definitely portrayed this incident over ma blog and will participate in “soch lo” contest. And after I win we will go for movie and will have a great time together.

She: ohhhh ur fucking blog...it looks like ur second girl-friend, just go to hell with ur blog, m going.

Me: I love u sexy...but I will not hear anything about ma blog specially that f-word, if u cant understand it, its ur fault, infact I think u too born without human SPERMS .




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Insanity by mag[m]

EMOTIONAL ATYACHAAR is a thing that can  b done in any form sometimes it was done by mom , girl friend , news channel , by tushaar kapoor’s movie , by some deadly pj and off course by Ram Gopal Verma.But I have a different experience about it, experience that shows ma reality ma absurdness, ma insanity and a real mag.

It was a ma frnd birthday party, and u know what…only the boys hostel is the only place in the world where people r really feared of it…. Why , u really want to know y…. just b there once and than ur ass will answer u ( minimum 6-7 round and each include belts frm buckle side, pipes, boot kicks, slaps, sleepers and many more made it for u ) but it was the awesome part that we missed a lot after hostel becoz of such a blast, passion, love, party….. ohhh m talking about party*grin*  ( every time I lost , when it was a talk about ma hostel life) .

As much I know about ma engineering life and ma mates , we engineers r passioate about only three things girlfriend, whisky , and a job in MNC( rest things lies only in sub-line) and this passion changes into the obsession when u got two of them.  

Party was at its peak and ma peg too, everything was going blunder , we enjoying at our best and at 11 we went back to our hostel and than a round of dance party started and we emjoyed a lot. Than after ma frnd dropped me to ma room and as he went off to ma room, I turned towards ma PC and checked ma gtalk( another things about engineers they hardly shut down their PC and always show online status) it shows sun.sign.verma@gmail.com is online… and suddenly ma third passion provoked me, I controlled ma nerves and hold the keyboard and said….

Me: hiiiii

        How r u ???

She: hiii

        M f9 u tell ??

Me:- m too

         Whats ur name..??

She:  what….!!  U really don’t know..??

          I m Shruti…. Shruti kapoor

Me: and m manish

She: I know

Me: ( must b she saw ma id that started with ma name )hmm…. So what do u do ?

She: Have u drunked.??

Me: ( I checked for any spy cam in ma room ) y so..?? , I don’t like to drink… infact I hate those who drink.

She: ohhh really * unbelievable *

Me: actually m pursuing engineering..

She: I know…

Me: Again u know *puzzeled*, but I must say u have very sweet talking style.

She: *blank*…. Thnxs.

Me: do u have a boy friend ???

She: hmmm naaahhh

Me: even I too don’t have any girl friend.

She: What….!!! What  do u mean ??

         Uumm but as I know…… swati is ur GF na.??

Me : (what…!! Even she know about swati)  na na she is just ma frnd , actually it is not official she didnt accepted ma praposal yet, but *interrupted*

She: but ur orkut acc shows that u r commited.

Me: Aree it is for fun only but  ( whoopppp …forgotten what m saying…whisky mania)

She: so which is ur fav brand Signature or Blender’s Pride ??

Me: *confused* how wud I know…. I never drink

        What do u do ???

She: engineering.

Me: what a coincidence, m too doing ma B.tech.

        Which branch ?

She : Electronics & Communication

Me: wow…!! Again same , m too from EC.

        Don’t tell me that u r in 3^rd year.

She: ya exactly

Me: OMG…. So many coincidences in a single day. We should meet before, a lot can                       happen* fishy mind*.

She: ( what is it really mean…” a lot can happen”) *blank*

Me: m doing ma B.tech GLA mathura and u ??

She: me too

Me: what….!! What r u saying but ….wait wait… if u r from GLA and from EC, than u should b ma class mate.

She : wow… what a sharp mind u have *commented*

Me: but I don’t know u…. hey r u shruti kapoor ??

She: already told u that m shruti kapoor.

Me: but u didn’t tell me kit um wo wali shruti kapoor ho

She: what is this “wo wali shruti kapoor” , m swati’s room mate…. Ur girlfriend’s ohh sorry just-a- frnd’s room mate , I must tell this to swati .

Me: hey plz yaar,  m just joking, plz don’t tell this to swati else wiase  I again become single

She : ohhh really * pathetic ohh*

Me: ok ok I feel sleepy  m going.

She: I know…. It is better for u

Me: bye , take care ( sign out immediately before its reply came)

Still I don’t know whether I was suffered by EMOTIONAL ATYACHAAR or she., but who cares about that. But i must say that “ liquor drinking is enjourious to health and after that to talk with any girl can b even more dangerous”.so always b aware of that.

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Insanity of mag[m]

Me : What-the-Fuck , u r still sleeping , how can u do this to me.

Saurabh : *yawn* bro just give me 15 min, I will be there.

Me: m already waiting for u from past half ’n’ hour.

Saurabh : cool bro cool , lit some cigarette and take some Eye-Tonic (off couse for hot chicks) and m coming *call disconnected*

Ohhh FUCK U SAURABH….!!!   I never understand his worthless talks like ,y he is in so hurry in disconnecting the incoming calls , which cigarette has a lifetime of 15 min, and what the hell a hot chick will do at bus-stand 7’o’clock in the morning.At  last he came , came 30 min more late and I already know this ( women’s 15 min = 1 hour and saurabh’s 15 min = half hour, …. That’s y I call him a HALF WOMEN)

Me : so where we have to go ??

Saurabh : its a interview in HP.

Me : whats the address ??

Saurabh: how would I know *innocent*, u r here from past 1 hour and don’t know the address , what the fuck r u doing here, u asshole, fucker ….

Me : (only bad thing about engineering guys, they don’t even talk without some exclamatory words) ok ok check ur mail and find the address ( thnxs to mobile )

Somehow we managed to reached at destination and we r attended by the DOBERMANS ( yaa this was the  name of attendants….. actually the security guards from DOBERMANS SECURITY….what  a blender name) well we settled down, submitted our resums, fill the form and than starts waiting for our turn but…

How can a story b completed without girl and this time a group of girls, …HOT GIRLS , they continuously gaze us and laugh, again they saw us and laugh… both of we looked at each other and than we checked our dress , hairstyle , facial expression for any awkwardness but everything is perfect, but still they r looking at us and smiling, we r unable to resolve the mystry, we cant understand that what the fuck is going on.We decided to protect our “IZZAT” and We took our chairs ( yaa limited chairs were their so we have to protect them like anything) and placed just next to them and started our self defence…

Saurabh : yaar wo laal wali meri hai.

Me: sale tum usi k layak ho , but don’t dare to put ur eye on girl in jeans.

Saurabh : kaun jeans wali be * now he saw her* abe ye to bht maal hai, teri bhabhi yahi          banegi.

Me : to lal wali ka kya hoga…??

Saurabh : Lal wali ko plan-B k liye rakh lete hai, jeans wali nhi maani to lal wali pe try karenge lekin aaj khali haath nhi jayenge.

Me : hmm to main bhi 2 select ker leta hoon.

We really don’t know that these HOT-GIRLS cant even understand hindi( all efforts wasted by COOL-BOYZ… *sympathy*) but sometimes “action speaks louder than words” and our focus of eyes on different parts of girls, our way of absurd talking and  hand movement done it for us. HOT-GIRLS just scared of us and gone from there and in the battle between HOT GIRLS vs COOL BOYZ, we won . Some times ur insanity can save u. Thnxs to saurabh.

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Insanity of mag[m]...

Bangalore…. Ya same city that known for “THREE W” ( Whether, wine and off course woman). It is the dream city for all engineers (ya I declare it as engineers city , what u denied with me *angry* just hide ur ass and get lost from here), m here from past 5 days and every day I spend like a tourist not because ma insanity but by its nomenclature( maratalli , banargatti, agrahara * yekk wrong spelling again*…. Ma engineering is even easier than to remember this) m trying to explore it in ma way. so here it comes ma experience…

1. Hot chicks…. *shining in eyes* bullshit yaar, more than 80% girls have darker complexions than me , 10% are suffered from over stomach and moustaches, 8% don’t know English ( dil k armaan dil me hi reh gaye ...) and rest 2% are already  engaged (what !!!  again no chance for me*sad*)

2. Buses… high frequency, low crowd, well maintained but still drivers never used their horns. Its ur duty to  keep urself away from their way even at the turns. So its BETTER TO LATE THAN NEVER…ohhh its not for bus its for u ma dear.

3.If u want to communicate with corporate employees, bus stands are the best place for u. Because 75% of them may belongs to top MNC’s of world ( google, Amcad, sapient intel, oracle ,IBM ,blah blah…)

4.first time here I enjoyed ma smoking puffs with a girl ( she came ,buy, burn it and smoke just next to me hardly 50 cm away). I thought I never forget that day but who knows this scene repeat itself as CID reruns on sony, 5 times in a day and everyday.Here cigrette packets are extra yellow and samosas are preserved like sweets and Sambhar is all time most demanded dish for all and can be use in any form( as Daal , Sabji, Soup , taste maker,drink). First time i saw 18 types of DOSA . 

5.Best part is that when in morning ur illetrate cook asked u " sir what will u prefer in breakfast" ( what...!!!! he know english than how can i say him ILLETRATE....Bade bade shahro me choti choti baate hoti rehti hai simran) In Bangalore first time I understand the feelings of illiterate persons *sympathy*. and the..Address was written just in front of me but still I cant read it (KANNAD  u have done it ...congrats !!!), autos , buses, radio, mobile ringtone , people talking everything is like it is pinching hard in the ear.

6.I cant understand y bangalorians love “aa” word most like larga, wenta, calla and yahan tak to thik hai they even don’t feel awkward to use this saga of “aa” in fuck, suck, lick etc.Here GOLDFLAKE is smoked by extreme lower class and their wordings at shop is One-aa  smallaa goldflake-aa.

But inspite of all factors it’s a city of dreamers who dare to go beyond clouds and believe in expanding the horizons, it’s a city of software explosion  with electronic blast , everything is perfect, I just can say only “M LOVIN IT”.

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