Say NO to GIRls... ISSued In PUBlic INTrest

INsanity by Mag[m]:-

Who said this rape can be attempted only on women/girls/female orgasm , men can also be the victim of that, to enter the wrong pole in the wrong hole will damage  pole and hole both. Than why this partiality happened always with hole….. srry pole.

 From past three days m trying to connect myself with every possible female shown over my face book , orkut , gmail , yahoo, twitter, zorpia and blah blah….and every time I felt like raped over the social networking in front of trillions of people, I cant even find a space to hide ma bloody face *angry*  but people are still interested in watching “Na aana is desh lado” and discussing how we men crushed the women and made this community a men-dominating society. Here m just sharing the average response that I got mostly when I ping those red-ass-sucking-girls……

Me: How are you?

She: I am always fine. For heaven's sake, this is a bloody website. Even if I am not fine, you can't see me or do anything about it. So never mind that and uselessly don’t put a pressure on your small brain it will burst.

Me: What do you do?

She: Well, what do you think? Of course I am not selling pickles. I am a student and I study. I am moving onto my Master education in a few months and there is absolutely no need for you to know what program or course I applied for. So, why do you even care? Are you gonna pay for my education? Sure, you can pay for my undergrad at Waterloo for four years which is approximately $68, 000. If you still got some money left... you can also pay for my beauty salon and shopping. 

Me: Who is in your family?

She: Are you gonna marry me? No right? So why do you care who is in my family? Don’t ask me stuff like if I have a brother or a sister or how old are they. No, you can’t be friends with my brother and yes he will beat you up if you get near me. And sister, no I wouldn’t hook her up with you or anybody else for that fact. if I had one that is, but I DONT! It is completely none of your business.

Me: Where do you live?

She: Okay, get real! I am in UK! For those of you who don’t know where Glasgow is: Log onto www.yahoo.com Click on Yahoo Maps. Click on Directions. Put in your address and put the city of Glasgow and you can spend the rest of your life figuring out where I live in UK!

Me: Do you have a boyfriend?

She: NO NO NO !! I don’t want one. I am not looking for one. Not now, not later! In fact, I wanna be a NUN and NEVER GET MARRIED. Men are Stupid! I love being single, which means I don’t even have to share my popcorn with anybody while watching a movie. That is why my pants have started to feel a little tighter lately. So, don’t even try. You will never ever pass my list of a “qualified boyfriend.” :)


Me: Tell me a bit about yourself.

She: If you EVER ask me that question, I swear to god I’ll box you in the face. What the hell do you think is a profile for ? What else do you think is the purpose of it, moron? These questions and answers tell you a lot about me. Read below to find out my fav movies, music, books and TV shows. That’s all you need to know about me! To understand me, the best philosophers would have to rise from their coffins beneath the earth to discover me.

I hope that answers all your questions. Thank you very much. ONE MORE THING, and next time If you scrap me without reading my profile, I will block you, forget that you will ever get a reply.

AND HER PROFILE SAYS:-

1. If you can't handle my attitude, don't send me a friend request.
2. If you don't have anything meaningful to say, do not scrap me.
3. Do not ask for my msn if you don't know me well enough to be friends.
4. If you're gonna ask for my number, cross out this window right now.
5. If you want cam chat, you are definitely in a wrong profile because I don't put myself in a display box with anyone.
6. If you're gonna hit on me, all your gonna get is a BIG 'n' MASSIVE "NO!"

I am committed to RanVijay Singh (The MTV VJ).

Love you. 

Whhhooo what the fuck is this,  Is that a dream, or I just need to consult a doctor. But never mind neither she was a Indian girl who should show some simplicity or innocence nor I m the typical guy who learn something from his mistakes and never ping to an unknown girl next time but must pray that  “Agle janam mohe bitiya hi kijo”

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WhY THey SHit

If you are a blogger than you must know how much is this hard to come up with something new over your blog every time except if you are not in category of those extra-creative-fucking-assholes , but if you are just a reader and found reading newspaper more worthily than a blog than this is not a place for u and just Go To Hell, 

Many of my readers took me as a crap, nonsense, insane and a shitty blogger who can never write something worthily but first of all i must say that ........ u are right and secondly if i start to write something influencing, motivating and non-shitty than who will read Shakespeare LOL !!! But ... 

After applying all ma available mind i found some reasons that why anyone blog.  

1.  Because they like to blog. They just have habit of writing in-spite of the fact what they are writing.

2.  Because they want their readers to feel like fucked up every time they open their blog.

3.  Because they want to sharpen their writing skills so that one day they can write something like “ Munni Badnaam” or “Sheila ki jawani”.

4.  Because they don’t have any girlfriend and not even any kind female gender in life, they are like frustrated-fisherman.

5. After the success of sound and air pollution they want to spread Literature-Pollution.  

6. Because crazy sites like twitter, facebook doesn’t allow them to write more than 140 words.

7.  Because Amitabh Bachhan , Gul panag and many more also used to write  blogs.

8.  Because they want to do P.hD over blogging.

9.  Because they are 21 century teenager so they want to shit globally by using technology.

10.  To use F-Word in reality is called as abusive word but on blog its called as their writing style.

11. To improve their typing speed.

12. Just an effort to improve their English from which they were suffering from last 2 decades and going to suffer almost next 2 decades.

13. Because they hardly write anything in exams so they throw their frustration on their blogs.

14. So that they can brag in outer world and put themselves in a category of Bullshit-Creative-Creature.

15. They read many of Newton’s insane theories now its time for revenge and for world to read their insane theories.

16. When the stories like CID can b run so successfully than why not theirs.

17. Because if you don’t blog others will think you as a lame and impotent incapable.

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INsanity by Mag[m]:-

BADLUCK…… it is not just the opposite of good luck , it is damn fucking insane world which can make your life worst than hell and can compel you to suffer like anything. People says GOD is everywhere but I said BADLUCK is everywhere, it is something like “Badluck k haath kanoon se bhi lambe hai… ha ha haw haw”. It has a similar effect that joint has after whisky… crazy, insane and yes dangerous too. I just want to share some general phenomenon of badluck….. 

1 The queue you have left must move faster than one you are in.

2 Whenever there is grease in your hands your nose starts to itch more terribly.

3 You will meet the busy traffic signals most when you are in hurry.

4 Probability of meeting a known person is high when you are with someone whom you are not supposed to be.

5 When dialing a wrong number it will never be engaged.

6 During exams everything in the world becomes interesting except reading, even watching a wall.

7 A coin dropped down will attain the most unreachable corner possible.

8 Whatever you left in syllabus to study will definitely come in the exams.

9 Not even a single ATM will work when you are on outing with your girlfriend and running out of money.

10 when you have to make an important call, your network always sucks you.

11 A TV program must have some hot & sizzling scenes when you are watching it with someone whom u are not supposed to be at that time.

12 There must always some scary sounds you hear when you are alone at night in your home with a power cut.

13 Teacher must surely check the home work when you are running out of it.

14 Class rooms are the best sleeping place in the world unless the fact u slept whole night before.

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INsanity by mag[m]:- 

Many of us always have a desire to be like a superhero and having a girlfriend like Kristen Stewart and even they know that these are just far from impossible. There is always some things that makes no sense but still they have a special place in your heart. I know u don’t agree with me that’s why there are always two kind of people in this world, first one who lives their life KING-SIZE and the second one who used to live their life DICK-SIZE. I choose the first one you can choose yours and the thing which is close to ma heart is ma conversation with GOD.

Me: Whats your name ?

G: GOD from heaven *head up in proud and heaviness in voice*

Me: m not asking about your community dude, whats your name ?*little irritation*

G: I don’t have any, you people just call me with this name, actually m the designer of this universe *again proud*

Me: How do I believe, do u have any proof *grinned*

G: Are u mentally disabled or something else, You are asking GOD for proof *strange*…. Ok u can ask anything to me about that.

Me: Do you have an Engineers degree.

G: No

Me: Do you know C, C++, Java , Oracle, DBMS.

G: *blank*

Me: can you work over Linux, windows, mackintosh ??

G: *blank*

Me: what a bullshit is that, u neither have a degree nor knowledge and claming yourself as a designer, damn this Corruption*anger*. I spend 16+ years to b a software designer.

G: Whats this software and what is its use ?

Me: You have different GOD’s for everything like air god, water god, fire god , But we can simply manage all this just by a man made software. It is easy to use and even you can consult giants like Microsoft , google for your own software for heaven.

G: but it will spread unemployment amongst GOD.

Me: *grinned*

G: Still we are best,  humans are existing on earth just because of us, we are behind their birth.

Me: ohhh really and I always thought it is a mutual effort of a man and women at night which always result as a birth of new life *grinned*

G: But I can decide when, where and how a new life will begin.

Me: so what…. I can tell you when will it end. *proud*

G: how ? *confused*

Me: Try Facebook’s DEATH CLOCK application. BTW we can create GOD too.

G: ohhh really like as..??

Me: RAJNIKANTH, he can do anything which is still looks impossible to you. It’s a 21 century dude and now we are better than you.

G: *crap* we can make the things happen.

Me: and we know why things happen. We have an explanation for almost everything. Even we have an explanation for your existence, you are here because us only.

G: This is crap, u cant say like that….

Me: yaaa I can say… ok just tell me than why all the traces of your existence found only on earth and not on mars , moon or any other planet.

G: *blank*

G: But still population explosion , corruption will never let u be better.

Me: u are blaming us for population explosion *bullshit* Do you know every other country have GOD’s  population in thousands only but when it comes to INDIA, it is 3.8 billion *thnxs to encyclopedia and google* and we are just following your trend .

G: leave it dude, lets talk about something light , whats ur name ?

Me: M an Indian by birth and Blogger by choice.*proud again*

G: but how do I believe?

Me: you can read it on magsinsanity.com BTW for that you need to have net connection *poor guy* , still u need to learn a lot from us *grinned*

G: Will you work for me ?

Me: * surprised cum shocked*  what….!!!  what will I do for you ?

G: You know about softwares, technologies , blogging and all, You are talented , mind blowing and simply a genius. Work for me and I will pay you whatever you want.

Me: I never heard these three world along with ma name but its time to revise others  dictionary and add me as a synonym of these three words. Now m a GOD certified genius

But whats ma package and incentives ?

G: what you want ?

Me: ummm nothing much just some billions, small island to live, an ocean of beer and one hot chick from heaven.

G: Done

suddenly I was kicked on ma ass and a bucket of water poured over me, I jumped in a reaction and realises that was just a dream , there is no billions, island, beer and hot chick waiting for me in reality, and most painful is that no more genius word for me.

Me: Is that a way to wake up someone even when he is living most awesome days of his life .

Roomey: dude its your interview today.

Me: huh……

I just smiled little and gave a whatever type look , I got ready for ma call and during the whole interview instead of software I just remembered that GOD called me a genius and irony was that I got the job.

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INsanity By Mag :-                                                                                      Manish Verma


I always thought that there are only two kinds of peoples in the INDIA, North Indian and South Indian, than i met the third kind “ THE Orissa Guys”. They are having like  pentium-1 inbuilt in their brain..... so slow, non sense in fact total worthless . BTW This is not about any racial discriminatory action and if u found anything like that than just go to hell man, I cant help u , this is all about ma Kerala trip. 


 I started ma journey at 5 in evening and m fully loaded with ma electronics gadgets( that contains only mobile and ipod *sad*) and a packet of cigarette .The very first thing I always used to do at platform is to check the reservation chart for any female in a group of 16-25 travelling with me and as always no one belonged to that category. The smallest female was of 27 years of age but interesting part was that her name mentioned with “miss” , that provokes me think again about ma age criterion. Should i increase the bar , should i decide it after seeing her, 16 years is too younger to me should i alter the criterion to 18-27..... too many question and a desire of another face off. Well train started and i settled on ma seat with ma broken heart.... railways cheated over me, they played with ma feelings , they printed mrs.27 as miss 27 on the chart......how can b they so rude, don’t they have heart and feelings, don’t they ever have any desire for females, y don’t they devide trains according to age and relationship status. I need some nicotine or caffeine or anything to make me calm down, I searched for ma cigarette packet and WTF....!!  only two*bad luck again* i rushed towards the gate and lit it , here i met someone....An Orissa Guy

OG: anna mada kuladi....

Me: *blank* ( what the fuck he is saying) I know only Hindi and sometimes English too.

OG: anna mada kuladi. *shouted almost*

Me: *blank*( just Fuck off.... let me smoke ma cigarette)

Suddenly someone put a hand over me and i turned in a reflection ....its TT , we were caught in offence of smoking in the train , OG started negotiating in his own language and only numbers are understand by me, First time in life i loved the mathematical numbers , we made a settlement of 100 bucks each, and after that i came to know that the TT was too from Orissa and this guy  was actually asking me about the  position of TT

OG: Y didn’t u replied me ?

ME: ohhhh so u know English..... than y the hell was u shouting in some aliens language.*angry*

OG: because U look like a south Indian *giggles*

ME: (Fuch off) *blank*

OG: Y r u so sad dude , its the matter of only about 100 bucks.

ME: ohh really *irritated*.... i have only two cigarette and that fucking TT ... if he wanted to charge me a penalty than y couldn't he wait to let me smoke first.... now i have only one golden stick in ma pocket.

OG: so where r u from ?

ME: UP *unexpected* Y so ?

OG: I knew that ( his eyes shining like he guessed correctly that where the OSAMA BIN LADEN was) u north Indians cant even handles the lightest situations.... u r like such a morons.

ME: ( This is the limit , i cant hear anyone to criticize us specially by this “anna mada kulide” guy.... i  have to answer...) * i enlighten ma last cigarette and started smoking again*  Only the north Indians can do this just after the penalty. *proud*

I reached the cochin at 5 in morning and ma train was parked in  between two trains , i was surprised where the platform was but.... janta..... they didn’t even care about that, they made their way to platform via railway line. So who m i to broke the lines , i too followed the crowd........  i called ma frnd to pick me up..... called once , twice, thrice.....almost  30^th time but every time no reply..... WTF is this ,who made this creature like GF’s , he must talked to his GF late night and now sleeping like KUMBHKARNA. 70% infact 90% boyz efficiency was reduced by girls , they convert  them like a puppet who can talk to them, Admire them but cant do any other social activity but i realized its not his fault neither his GF's Fault, main victim is ORISSA, he is too from there.


I caught an auto for rest of ma journey and I didnt even noticed that ma other two co-passenger were two  hot chicks,  m so fucked up that hardly gave a look to them. I don’t want any more surprises, i just want to arrive at destination as soon as possible but this auto wallah.... i thought he is the relative of Michael schumacher. He was driving his auto (made in 1948) at the speed of at least 70-80 kmh and was busy with his mobile on the other hand, he used to turn the auto like anything. Many time ma hand touched the hot chicks hand and some of her sensitive part of the body. But somehow i managed to reached at destination before she filed any case of sexual harassment against me and finally i asked the most instigating question to the auto wallah....


Me: Where are u from ?


AW: Orissa....

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INsanity by Mag[m]:-

10 years back when I was in 8^th standard , Life looks so simple and interesting to me. Donald duck, Shahrukh khan, Aladeen are ma some of the idols and i want to b a Cricketer, Pilot, Actor, politician in ma life. Ma all time favourite personalities are Timon & Pumbaa, Tom & Jerry, Scooby doo  and school’s play ground is the most wonderful place in the world for me.

M living the most wonderful days of ma life but suddenly one day we have a new admission in our class and its a BIJLI ( yaaa it was her name and I know it was not a promising name but who the hell I m to talk in her family matter ) this made  the competition for boys .5 % less , now we have a one more eye capturing element in our class , the 6 hours school timing looks so short and world war three started amongst the boys to sit behind her and class performance was at its all time low level.

I realised that sometimes being dumb at a moment can so worthily for u, she entered in the class and looked all around than came and sit next to me and her school bag touched me first time, it felt same as that Neel Armstrong felt after touching  moon to very first time, I even cant imagine her in ma best dream ever to sit in 5 mt radius of mine, but this time it was the truth. For sure It was not me or ma personality, or smartness or anything in me that provoked her for this decision  in fact it  was others drool mouth that made her to sit next to me and feel safe, This made me the biggest villain of the class and every boy wanted to kill me for sure but who care when the cutest girl of  class sited next to u.

Me: Whats ur name ?  *with violin sounds in background*

She : Bijli

I Lost so much in tha name and in violin sound that I didn’t realize once that m in a class and someone was  asking for ma name and I just replied with a speed faster than real Bijli.

Me: Bijli

But I realised some weirdness in the voice , her sweetness was washed out, I paused the violins sound and put bijli on hold for sometime and concentrated on voice again and aahhh it was not her , it was ma teacher.

Tch: What….!! Bijli , but this sounds a female name.

Me: its Manish

Tch: *What a crap*…. If u r Bijli than who is Manish and if u r Manish than y u said Bijli.

Me: *I need some intelligent & witty answer here to save me and after applying all ma available mind i finally found it* Madam its Manish Bijli Verma.

I felt same as Shahrukh Kahan felt in Mohabbtein after saying his full as “Raj Aryan Malhotra” to Amitabh Bachhan but this not Mohabbatein and neither ma teacher is Amitabh Bachhan and nor m a Shah Rukh Khan, everyone in ma class except me was kept on laughing an laughing, even Bijli was laughing hardly on me. She has broken ma heart. I was in this condition just because of her and now she was laughing on ma name or may be on her own name.I was punished and I had to spend a complete one hour standing outside the class. That was the shortest love story and quickest break-up ever know, all ma dream shattered in just a moment.

That day I felt so hurt. She broked ma heart and m started dying to live again, I really hate Bijli, and that day I decided to b an Engineer , an Electronics engineer , so that whenever I felt ditched by Bijli i can take ma revenge with her. And now I can play with her, cut her, deviate her, all I can say that now I can rule over Bijli…..he he ha ha haw haw haw

I know u feel so sucked after reading this but all I can only say that  HAPPY ENGINEERS DAY

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Insanity by Mag[m] :-                          

                               

I know that only negligible percent peoples will b interested in reading any post that describes man to man or female to female fellowship and as I think nothing is bad in that , It’s a normal human tendency except u r not a gay…. This time I have something special to b portrayed and I don’t believe that m doing this , it can b more disastrous for me than Hiroshima and Nagasaki had after the atom bomb explosion, but I have to keep ma promise, promise that was the worst in all that I had made in past a week. M jotting here something that have only 2 consequences that either it will ruin ma Blogging career forever or can show me some flying colours in near by future. M dedicating this post to ma fellow Blogger NIKITA from delhi but still m looking for some least probable possibilities and reasons for this post…

1. May b she was impressed by ma post and I will b able to get her ready for a DATE.

2. I m kind of Gentleman who always stick to his promise specially if the girl is on other side.

3.  We r so different in nature, signature and architecture but still I found she is a real angel that can change me , ma blog and everything bad in me. She can change Mag into Manish and INSANE into a Sane.

Off course the first one is ma all time favourite desire and to b loyal I thought about it at least millions sorry zillions of time that someday someone special will notice  something special and unnoticed in me that was always liable to b noticed but unfortunately unnoticed by all ( need not to mention that m talking about female community only because  m not a GAY..!! )  M geographically 2061 km apart from her but still can plan a coffee at CCD with her than a lunch than after a movie than roaming in any park than disc and hang out high with a perfect night out …this is something called as a Perfect Date and you can add spices in the plans by your own according to your taste like seats offered must b at the corner of the theatre, that day CCD will only have couples as a customer , Park would b a lovers point, and we have a Candle light dinner. But don’t add salt in last to things because m ALLERGIC TO BULLSHIT and too much spices is not good for health.

What to say about ma second point, actually I devoted maximum of time to think some thing strong , ironical, filmy, witty in support of it but finally found nothing. I always think of ma self a typical SRK who always have a perfect answer when it is concerned about his GF, and at last i found that whatever I have written in point 2 was totally a imaginary stuff that has no relation with any live or dead persons specially like me and it can b counted as rubbish.

Well about third point what can I say just our blogs and gtalk status can describe the whole story .This is the best way I ever discovered to make a image about some one. I know 99.999 %  times these status are copy pasted from some one liners site because an intelligent one never wastes his time on such crap things, a dumb one will always use ‘available’ status and those who belongs to none of them will use this ‘busy ‘status’ ( oposss  srry for wrong category  but no polling in India includes only 2 options) but still to choose any particular one liner among thousand will show your brainwaves. Her status suggests “Books are the real friends of a human. It should b kept near your heart” and mine suggests “I would not have been in this condition if bomb had fallen on Newtons head instead of apple”.  She believes “One day someone special walked in your life and u realize why it will not worked with anyone else” and I believes that “My Virginity is a gift to my wife, so always ready with the proof of your marriage”. Nothing matches in above lines except colour of the lines but no matter how we different are , how we take each other but the thing that only matters is, I completed ma promise and see has something divine  in her that made me to do that. You are awesome and god will always bless you.

PS: Don’t kill me for this non sentimental, partially true, unromantic wired post and if u don’t like it than don’t read afterward  !!! ……ohhh You are still reading  ??….. So u liked it.... so can I ask u something .....

1. Why don’t u offer me a coffee at your place for this great effort of mine .
2.  Do you really don’t like INDI-FLIRT tag over forum?
3.  Its almost 3’o’ clock in the night and m getting bored so Can I call u ??

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